Um, HOW Long?!

 So, um it’s been a while! No excuses here! Our lovey puppers Buddy Lee crossed the rainbow bridge 😢

It was extremely hard on us all. Our oldest child left the nest , bought his own house, moved his girlfriend in, and lost a baby. 😢

Our daughter found a job she’s great at, found a man who understands her, and moved into their first apartment. 

Meanwhile, the hubs and I just keep keeping on. We celebrated 35 years of marriage this year. Seems like a lot to say it, but living it - Just life, you know? I wouldn’t be anywhere else, he’s home for me. 

I want to start writing again, but does anyone even read blogs anymore? If you’re reading this , let me know! Maybe I’ll write anyway. 

The Holidays

Well, the holidays are upon us. I (just barely) managed to survive Thanksgiving with family and friends around me, and now I have to prepare for Christmas.
Rewind: I remember baking cookies and decorating the tree with my mom when I was little. Sometimes my siblings were there, but mostly it was the two of us, possibly because I was so much younger than my siblings, possibly because my mother and I are both crazy Christmas nuts. Either way, that love continued into my adult-hood.

 When my children were born, I tried to pass that love onto them. We baked and decorated cookies together, decorated the tree together, went to see Santa, talked about baby Jesus, sang songs, made gifts-everything we could squeeze in, we did. I expected that love to continue when they became adults, and possibly on to grandchildren.

 But somewhere along the line, I started to become stressed out over all the preparations, all the expectations, all the expense, all the people, all the gatherings, all the parties, just...all. It stopped being about peace somewhere, and started being about what other people expected I should want to do.
 Well, I'm taking my holidays back, starting now. I've been thinking about it, and here are my new rules, based on what I believe made me so happy about the holidays when I was a child:
1. No rules! Whatever my husband and I decide,  is what we will do.
2. Peace is the order of the season.
3. I have always believed that Christmas is about Jesus. I celebrate Christmas as a season to celebrate a wonderful gift that was given to all mankind, undeserved by any of us. I will hold that in my heart always, and let it guide me as I used to.In that spirit I present number 4:
4. Since Christmas is about a gift, I will do my part to try and focus on the thing that has always made me the happiest: giving whatever I think will make someone happy, to whoever I feel needs that from me.
5. I love and desire to have my family around me at this season, but I realize that not all of them will be able to be there when I have "the official meal". Here's the thing, and I will do my best to explain this: My husband and I celebrate our anniversary all year long. We don't always go out to a big dinner, or a special event to celebrate that exact day. We have always felt that it is more important to treat each other in a way that is special every single day. And THAT  is the way I feel about Christmas. If you are a complete shrew every single day of the year, why in the world would anyone want to spend a holiday with you? But if you treat the people around you as if they matter, as if their opinions matter, as if their entire life's joy is your mission in life? Well, then, they will feel as if you are the gift, and any thing you give them will be extra, the cherry on top.
  I want, above all else, for those that I love to feel about Christmas the way that I used to feel, the way that a children's Christmas concert, or the Charlie Brown Christmas special, or baking cookies with my mom, or shopping for my family, has always made me feel: Like I had the privilege of looking directly into the manger and seeing the eyes of my Savior Himself , and knowing that LOVE is the best gift of all, and that it was meant just for me. Because THAT is what I'm really giving when I give a gift, or cook a meal, or give a hug. And if the people I love most in this world cannot be here in my home with me on the day the world celebrates our Saviors birth, well, I'll miss them, but that's okay.
     Because I celebrate His birth every day of my life,and the love of my family every day of my life,  and I will be thrilled to celebrate with them any time they can spend a few minutes with me.

• "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." ~ 1 Peter 4:8

The Beauty of a Dream

I’m a crafty person. I enjoy making things with my own hands, and dreaming up those things beforehand. For the same reason, nothing makes me happier than cooking for people who appreciate the results. It’s one of the ways I show those around me that I love them.

 This also manifests itself in my home. I love redoing rooms , reorganizing inside cabinets, adding little vignettes and pictures, and just general nest-fluffing. I strive to make my home work better on a daily basis. The worst part of this type of creativity is that I can’t redo the things I want to redo , all by myself. I don’t have the knowledge, the brute strength, or the height, that is often required to do things like put up drywall or paint the ceiling.

In this regard, I’m fortunate to have a wonderful husband who is taller, stronger, and has a head full of knowledge about remodeling. He’s taught me a lot of lessons about handyman type things, and done some absolutely stunning work on our 95 year old house.

The most recent lesson is that it might be time to say goodbye to this old house and get something a little more old-age friendly. We haven’t decided whether or not to do this yet, but it’s definitely on both of our minds lately.
 If we do decide to do this, I will definitely have a bit of a cry. I never got to see this house become what I wanted it to be. But 12 hour work days and weekend meetings and classes are not conducive to do-it-yourself home remodeling. And so it might be time to say goodbye to this beautiful old craftsman-era girl, and find something with fewer wrinkles, even though this house was my dream home.
 I guess the beauty of a dream, is that it can change when necessary.

Small Business Owner

It's 4:30 a.m., and I'm staring at the alarm clock, mentally willing the numbers to go backwards. They don't, and at 5:15 I get up and head for the shower, dress, go downstairs, and fix myself some hot tea. Five minutes after I get downstairs my first daycare child arrives and the day starts. Two
adhd's, two quiet whisperers, one flighty flibberdegibbit, and one sweetie pie later, it's time for lunch and then: NAP! My favorite of all times of the day, nap time. I get to sit down, grab my ipad, and...load an online class required to maintain my license. Halfway through the class, a little gets a night terror and starts screaming. Another smaller little wakes up because of the screams and starts crying. Soon everyone is awake and nap is over long before it is supposed to be.
    I didn't finish the class even though it's only an hour long class, I didn't read the new insurance information, I didn't read the information our accountant sent me to learn how to deduct employee health insurance. (It's April and I really need to learn how to do this, like 4 months ago.) I haven't made the dogs vet appointments, I haven't called my union for some information I need, the dishes haven't been done, and I don't even want to talk about the state of the upstairs bathroom. (Hint: that's not a rug on the floor ).
     So, nap time over, I change diapers (3), put away cots (5), find a binky (1), prepare snacks (6), answer the phone (3 x ), and answer the door (1x ). I navigate requests for television time, instruct a 5 year old to hand over the toddler toys to the toddler, suggest art projects, wish desperately for a maid and a secretary, shoe up and coat on everyone, greet parents, recount each child's day even though it's all on the app they only have to download and read about it, and realize it's suddenly 5:30 p.m.
     Decide what's for dinner, decide laundry can wait another day or two, vacuum the rug, pick up toys, check tomorrow's schedule, answer a parent's phone call. Spend some time regretting all I didn't have time or energy for. Spend a tiny bit more time realizing I'm not the only one on the planet who's day is like this.Talk to my wonderful husband on the phone on his way home.
     Eat and clean up dinner, cuddle the dog, relax with the hubs and a drink, throw the dogs an ice cube or four.
     Bedtime. Deep breath, because in 8 hours, I get to do it all again. Switched up, turned around, a few surprises thrown in the mix.
     Life is like this, and I'm still here. Tomorrow I'll try to fit in some devotional and prayer time,  worry about my daughter, Be happy for my son, worry about his job, wish I had time and money to travel, pay some bills, be grateful for apps that deposit paychecks without trying to get to the bank during bankers hours,worry about money, cook some more, wish my heart murmur wasn't bothering me, think about my sisters, comment on a friends Facebook post, wonder if spring will ever come, hope tomorrow is as warm as they say it will be, and do all of the above, all over again. 
    Life sucks sometimes, but busy means I'm alive and there are people who care about that. And above all, it means God believes I still have something to accomplish here. So that's what I hang onto, that knowledge that I've got something important to do yet, and that God himself thinks I'm the one who needs to do it. And that this business is important.

About That Brain Tumor...

I'm not sure where to start. The thing is, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor. , an acoustic neuroma. What that means is that he had a tumor that started in his ear canal. But it got worse. A lot worse, over the course of several years.

     Despite all of the symptoms, every doctor missed it. Despite all of those MRI's, they missed it. Finally, all of the symptoms added up to a doctor ordering a very specific MRI.An MRI with contrast. And that MRI with contrast showed a large tumor on the right side of his brain stem.
     I, WE, could have been angry. We could have been scared. We could have been, I don't know...Overwhelmed? We definitely were overwhelmed, but mostly, we were shocked. There were the questions, the conversations, the tears. So. Many. Tears. He was scared,I was scared. The family and friends we told were scared.
Eventually, we saw the doctors. Apparently, the BEST doctors-ANYWHERE. He was referred to doctors who were the doctors who teach other doctors how to deal with the specific type of tumor he had.
     AND THEY WERE HOPEFUL!!!!
hopeful
 (hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul...*)
     How do you deal with hopeful after hearing how hopeless things are?
I'll tell you how: very cautiously, that's how! Because when someone tells you that you might die, or that someone you love might die, things get real. Really, really, real. Suddenly, you're the adult you never wanted to be. You're the adult who deals with the stuff you thought you never would.
     And then the day of the surgery is here, and you have to deal with the 547 relatives friends and coworkers who c.a.r.e. about you. Phone calls, texts, in person conversations. The truth is, you have no idea what you're doing or saying.You will never remember what you said or did during those awful days when you had to deal with mortality. You prayed. Prayed more than you ever have, ever. People say they're praying for you and you say that's great, please do. You're living in that place where prayer is the only thing that matters.The ONLY thing that matters. Because suddenly you know that GOD is in charge, and you have no control over anything,
     And then  you wake up. Because the surgery is over , and the man you love is STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!
     You get to see and talk to him again!!! And hold his hand, and take walks with him, and have
deep conversations with him. And ask what he wants for dinner, or what he thinks about your outfit. And then you go to the bathroom and cry, because you tried really hard not to do that before the surgery,or in front of him,  when he could see you, because he had enough to deal with.
     and then you fallonyourkneesandworshipGOD, because HE is faithful!

And finally, f.i.n.a.l.l.y. -life continues, and you are in awe , on a daily basis, because, apparently, God cares about you personally. You don't know why. All you know is that you are grateful. So, so, so, very grateful.
     And life goes on.
Life. Goes. On.





     *Emily Dickinson, 1830 - 1886. Hope is the thing with feathersThat perches in the soul, And sings the tune without the words, And never stops at all, And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm.

Just Like Mom's: Chicken and Noodles

This is the first post in a new series I've decided to do. Most of these posts will be about things I've been taught to cook by my mother, Sharon Bayer. Some will be about things I've been taught to cook by my mother or others, And some will be about things I've learned to cook by myself. First up: Chicken and Noodles. This recipe is one my mother taught me to cook, with a few tweaks by me to meet the tastes of my own family.
                                                                       

Homemade Chicken and Noodles

Ingredients:

One whole chicken, defrosted if frozen, giblets removed

3 stalks celery, washed and diced

4 carrots, peeled and diced

1 whole onion, diced

1 teaspoon each Simon and Garfunkel (you know, "parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme")

1 whole bay leaf

Noodles:

6 eggs

6 Tablespoons whole milk

6 cups all purpose flour

Salt to taste, and pepper

To begin, put the whole chicken in a pot of fresh cold water to cover and bring to a boil. Reduce to a simmer, add one whole carrot, one whole celery stalk, and half of the onion. Put Simon and Garfunkel and the bay leaf in either a muslin spice bag or a piece of cheesecloth, tie shut, and simmer for about 4 hours.(I do this because I work from home, but if you don't, do this on a snowy Saturday when you just don't feel like leaving the house.)

As soon as you have the chicken and spices simmering, make the noodles:

Beat the eggs lightly in a bowl with a fork, then add in the milk. Salt lightly, then, add in the flour a cup at a time. (These aren't real egg noodles; real egg noodles don't have milk in them, but these are great, sort of a cross between noodles and dumplings.) As soon as the eggs won't take any more flour, dump the whole mess onto a floured countertop. (I use an antique noodle board I found at a sale, or alternatively a pastry cloth. But before I had either of those, I used my plain old clean floured melamine countertop. They're all pretty much the same. Just don't whatever you do, use wax paper. Your noodles will never dry. E.V.E.R.) Anywho, after you dump out the the noodley mess, knead all the flour and such into a dough, but not any longer. What this means is, as soon as it sort of holds together, stop kneading. Then let it rest for about 20 minutes, and roll it out to about 1/4 inch thick. Using a pizza wheel, cut into strips and then crosswise into noodle size slices. These plump when you cook 'em, so make them a little smaller than you think you'd like them to be. After they're cut, leave them to dry while your chicken cooks. After about two hours, flip them over to dry on the other side.

Back to the chicken: Once your chicken is cooked through, remove it to a plate to cool a bit. Then, using a slotted spoon, remove the spice bag and vegetables and pitch them. You can strain the broth at this point by pouring it through a colander into a very large heat proof bowl. Wipe out the pot, return the broth, and add enough water so it fills the pot about 2/3 of the way, then bring back to a boil. Add the dices carrot, celery, and onion, and reduce to a simmer for about an hour.  Remove chicken from bones and shred, then set aside. Once the veggies are cooked, return the pot to a full boil and begin adding the noodles few at a time, stirring after each addition. Once they're all in there, salt the whole thing generously. Cook until the noodles are done, then stir in the chicken and reheat. Serve in  big bowls with a fork. The noodles will absorb most of the broth while cooking, but you can serve bread slices with this if you want to soak up whatever broth remains in your bowl after eating.
Note: You can also use boneless skinless chicken breasts and canned chicken broth to make this, but it will NOT taste the same. And do take the time to make the homemade noodles, they are fabulous.
Second note: the "Simon and Garfunkel" reference came about when I was teaching my daughter to make these. She wondered how I remembered which spices go into it, so I taught her the refrain from that song. Now we always sing it when I make these. Memories :)

And On The Seventh Day...

And on the seventh day...God cleaned the entire downstairs, vacuumed, washed the dogs, did laundry, got groceries, planned the week's menu, ran errands, cooked two full meals, and threatened to kill a child who put his dishes in the sink instead of the dishwasher.

                                                       Credit: http://semidomesticatedmama.com/

Hmm. Doesn't sound like it came from the book of Genesis, does it? That, however, pretty much accurately describes how I was feeling Sunday. And then my husband reminded me we were supposed to take the boat out with our daughter and her boyfriend. I went, but let me tell you, it was done very grudgingly. And with much grumbling once we got out there. There I was , on a boat on a beautiful stretch of river on a gorgeous day, making lists in my head, and estimating the amount of time it would take me to finish everything by the time I had to start dinner. And them something happened. The wind started to blow up some tiny little breakers and a boat passed us. The resulting waves caused the boat to rock gently back and forth, some spray hit me in the face, and I got a whiff of that river smell. The list drifted away, I closed my eyes, and exhaled for what felt like the first time in a week. After that the boat ride was fun, and I did something I hadn't done in days. Rested.
   God always knows best, doesn't he? Resting is not just a good idea, it is absolutely necessary to a person's well being and general good health.
                                                                   

I'm so busy all. the. time.  We all are, I know. The reason it bothers some people so much (me included !) , is that we forget to take the time to rest. I rarely just sit. If we're watching television, I've usually got a tablet in my hand and a notebook nearby to write down those lists that are always popping up in my head. But that's all just clutter, brain clutter. The same way that visual clutter distracts your eye, brain clutter distracts your focus. You've heard all this before. But this time, take the time to learn it.
   I'm trying to make time to rest my brain as well as my body. Counter-intuitively, I've added some things back in to my day to give me time to rest: a daily devotional, which I find I have missed. A better routine in my work. Knowing what comes next is better for me, as it gives my brain a rest, and better for the children, as well.
 I've also been avoiding things that make me feel crazy. I've been mostly avoiding Facebook this week, for instance, because every post I see is about the awful things that have been happening around us lately.
 In doing these things, I hope to give myself a chance to clear the mental clutter and actually rest when I get a day off.
 I hope you can all clear some of the clutter out of your brain this week, and give yourselves a chance to rest!