The Holidays

Well, the holidays are upon us. I (just barely) managed to survive Thanksgiving with family and friends around me, and now I have to prepare for Christmas.
Rewind: I remember baking cookies and decorating the tree with my mom when I was little. Sometimes my siblings were there, but mostly it was the two of us, possibly because I was so much younger than my siblings, possibly because my mother and I are both crazy Christmas nuts. Either way, that love continued into my adult-hood.

 When my children were born, I tried to pass that love onto them. We baked and decorated cookies together, decorated the tree together, went to see Santa, talked about baby Jesus, sang songs, made gifts-everything we could squeeze in, we did. I expected that love to continue when they became adults, and possibly on to grandchildren.

 But somewhere along the line, I started to become stressed out over all the preparations, all the expectations, all the expense, all the people, all the gatherings, all the parties, just...all. It stopped being about peace somewhere, and started being about what other people expected I should want to do.
 Well, I'm taking my holidays back, starting now. I've been thinking about it, and here are my new rules, based on what I believe made me so happy about the holidays when I was a child:
1. No rules! Whatever my husband and I decide,  is what we will do.
2. Peace is the order of the season.
3. I have always believed that Christmas is about Jesus. I celebrate Christmas as a season to celebrate a wonderful gift that was given to all mankind, undeserved by any of us. I will hold that in my heart always, and let it guide me as I used to.In that spirit I present number 4:
4. Since Christmas is about a gift, I will do my part to try and focus on the thing that has always made me the happiest: giving whatever I think will make someone happy, to whoever I feel needs that from me.
5. I love and desire to have my family around me at this season, but I realize that not all of them will be able to be there when I have "the official meal". Here's the thing, and I will do my best to explain this: My husband and I celebrate our anniversary all year long. We don't always go out to a big dinner, or a special event to celebrate that exact day. We have always felt that it is more important to treat each other in a way that is special every single day. And THAT  is the way I feel about Christmas. If you are a complete shrew every single day of the year, why in the world would anyone want to spend a holiday with you? But if you treat the people around you as if they matter, as if their opinions matter, as if their entire life's joy is your mission in life? Well, then, they will feel as if you are the gift, and any thing you give them will be extra, the cherry on top.
  I want, above all else, for those that I love to feel about Christmas the way that I used to feel, the way that a children's Christmas concert, or the Charlie Brown Christmas special, or baking cookies with my mom, or shopping for my family, has always made me feel: Like I had the privilege of looking directly into the manger and seeing the eyes of my Savior Himself , and knowing that LOVE is the best gift of all, and that it was meant just for me. Because THAT is what I'm really giving when I give a gift, or cook a meal, or give a hug. And if the people I love most in this world cannot be here in my home with me on the day the world celebrates our Saviors birth, well, I'll miss them, but that's okay.
     Because I celebrate His birth every day of my life,and the love of my family every day of my life,  and I will be thrilled to celebrate with them any time they can spend a few minutes with me.

• "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." ~ 1 Peter 4:8

The Beauty of a Dream

I’m a crafty person. I enjoy making things with my own hands, and dreaming up those things beforehand. For the same reason, nothing makes me happier than cooking for people who appreciate the results. It’s one of the ways I show those around me that I love them.

 This also manifests itself in my home. I love redoing rooms , reorganizing inside cabinets, adding little vignettes and pictures, and just general nest-fluffing. I strive to make my home work better on a daily basis. The worst part of this type of creativity is that I can’t redo the things I want to redo , all by myself. I don’t have the knowledge, the brute strength, or the height, that is often required to do things like put up drywall or paint the ceiling.

In this regard, I’m fortunate to have a wonderful husband who is taller, stronger, and has a head full of knowledge about remodeling. He’s taught me a lot of lessons about handyman type things, and done some absolutely stunning work on our 95 year old house.

The most recent lesson is that it might be time to say goodbye to this old house and get something a little more old-age friendly. We haven’t decided whether or not to do this yet, but it’s definitely on both of our minds lately.
 If we do decide to do this, I will definitely have a bit of a cry. I never got to see this house become what I wanted it to be. But 12 hour work days and weekend meetings and classes are not conducive to do-it-yourself home remodeling. And so it might be time to say goodbye to this beautiful old craftsman-era girl, and find something with fewer wrinkles, even though this house was my dream home.
 I guess the beauty of a dream, is that it can change when necessary.

Small Business Owner

It's 4:30 a.m., and I'm staring at the alarm clock, mentally willing the numbers to go backwards. They don't, and at 5:15 I get up and head for the shower, dress, go downstairs, and fix myself some hot tea. Five minutes after I get downstairs my first daycare child arrives and the day starts. Two
adhd's, two quiet whisperers, one flighty flibberdegibbit, and one sweetie pie later, it's time for lunch and then: NAP! My favorite of all times of the day, nap time. I get to sit down, grab my ipad, and...load an online class required to maintain my license. Halfway through the class, a little gets a night terror and starts screaming. Another smaller little wakes up because of the screams and starts crying. Soon everyone is awake and nap is over long before it is supposed to be.
    I didn't finish the class even though it's only an hour long class, I didn't read the new insurance information, I didn't read the information our accountant sent me to learn how to deduct employee health insurance. (It's April and I really need to learn how to do this, like 4 months ago.) I haven't made the dogs vet appointments, I haven't called my union for some information I need, the dishes haven't been done, and I don't even want to talk about the state of the upstairs bathroom. (Hint: that's not a rug on the floor ).
     So, nap time over, I change diapers (3), put away cots (5), find a binky (1), prepare snacks (6), answer the phone (3 x ), and answer the door (1x ). I navigate requests for television time, instruct a 5 year old to hand over the toddler toys to the toddler, suggest art projects, wish desperately for a maid and a secretary, shoe up and coat on everyone, greet parents, recount each child's day even though it's all on the app they only have to download and read about it, and realize it's suddenly 5:30 p.m.
     Decide what's for dinner, decide laundry can wait another day or two, vacuum the rug, pick up toys, check tomorrow's schedule, answer a parent's phone call. Spend some time regretting all I didn't have time or energy for. Spend a tiny bit more time realizing I'm not the only one on the planet who's day is like this.Talk to my wonderful husband on the phone on his way home.
     Eat and clean up dinner, cuddle the dog, relax with the hubs and a drink, throw the dogs an ice cube or four.
     Bedtime. Deep breath, because in 8 hours, I get to do it all again. Switched up, turned around, a few surprises thrown in the mix.
     Life is like this, and I'm still here. Tomorrow I'll try to fit in some devotional and prayer time,  worry about my daughter, Be happy for my son, worry about his job, wish I had time and money to travel, pay some bills, be grateful for apps that deposit paychecks without trying to get to the bank during bankers hours,worry about money, cook some more, wish my heart murmur wasn't bothering me, think about my sisters, comment on a friends Facebook post, wonder if spring will ever come, hope tomorrow is as warm as they say it will be, and do all of the above, all over again. 
    Life sucks sometimes, but busy means I'm alive and there are people who care about that. And above all, it means God believes I still have something to accomplish here. So that's what I hang onto, that knowledge that I've got something important to do yet, and that God himself thinks I'm the one who needs to do it. And that this business is important.