Saturday, December 1, 2007

Grace and Peace, part two

Grace and Peace? I'm been feeling pretty far away from those two things recently. I've been told, at various moments in my life, that I'm a "fantastic" day care provider, a "great" mom, a "wonderful" wife, a "very resourceful" homemaker.
The truth is, if anyone hasn't already figured this out yet, that I'm merely an o.k. day care provider, a so-so mom, a lazy homemaker, a just plain lucky wife, a terrible financial advisor for my family. Add to that list a rotten driver and a shameful Christian. I also have a hair-trigger temper, the mouth of a sailor, and a pretty sorry physique. I cook o.k., but it ain't nouvel cuisine, it's down-home sweet tea and baking powder biscuits sort of cooking. In fact, I can't even imagine what anyone sees in me. I'm an absolutely rotten friend-they could all be dead, and I wouldn't know for weeks in most cases, months in others.
But something happened a couple of weeks ago, while I was busy feeling sorry for myself and everyone who had the misfortune of having me in their lives, that reminded me what I'm supposed to be looking at. We adopted a puppy. Now, I did most definately not want another puppy in the household. Dogs are like babies that never grow up, and I am done with them, thank you. But I was over-ruled, and we searched until we found one that we all agreed on. A little black lab, about 3 months old. We had him for exactly 18 hours before he started throwing up and sleeping alot. That was on a saturday. By Monday, he wouldn't even move-he just layed there, sleeping. I took him to the vet and got antibiotics. But he didn't get better, he got worse. We took him back to the vet, who admitted him, and hooked him up to an I.V. He's better now, but that's not the point. On the way to the vet, I was driving, and my dear husband was holding our sick puppy. The puppy who wouldn't even move or whine or go outside to the bathroom. In the dark and quiet of the car, our fears for the puppy surrounding us, my husband suddenly whispered,"Look!" I turned to see what he wanted, and there in his arms was our at-death's-door-puppy, straining his weak little head as far as he could, just to reach me. I reached over to pet him, and he sighed and rested his head on my hand.
Why? I didn't even want him. But he trusted me, and knew I was already in puppy love with him and would take care of him.
I guess the things in our life are like that alot-you don't feel ready for them, sometimes you don't want them, sometimes they don't fit into what you think your life should be at the moment. But God always knows best, and if you're paying attention, sometimes you can catch a glimpse of the need the thing has for you, straining to reach you, if only you'll pay attention. Jeremiah 29:11 (New International Version)
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

1 comment:

Bill said...

I don't know why you beleive those negative things you wrote about yourself. If you look around in your life, you will see that there are a great many people that would be hard pressed if you were not here. It doesn't matter if you are not perfect in the things you do. It matters that the things you do are done out of love for others. You bring great happiness to those around you and I would be lost without you. You are the strength that God was kind enough to send for me when I feel like I can't go on. So who cares that the house isn't always spotless or the chores aren't done. I am happy and at the end of my life, I hope that God allows me to place my head in your arms, so that I can sigh and let you know what you mean to me. Then you will understand, just like you did with the puppy, that you are much more than you give yourself credit for.