Saturday, April 14, 2012

To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Cow-lady:
I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt when you showed up with your obviously under-medicated half dozen children, because there was always the chance that you could control them once the movie started. Once you started grazing on popcorn with your mouth open, however, and shouting at the top of your lungs, "I'm ready for some FUN! Who's ready for some FUN?! " , I began to have some doubts. You should be glad that I am nearly deaf in my right ear, because once your slightly chromosomaly-short child began guffawing HA! HA! HA! in my left ear, I had a seriously hard time not telling you how to properly raise your children, having actually been there. At the point I turned around and glared at you, you were dangerously close to an eye poke. And anyone who has raised children properly, knows that the proper distribution of parent-child at a movie theatre , is child, parent, child, parent, child, so that an arm-throw in any direction corrals a child. Nevertheless, you are obviously an idiot, and should be forcibly sterilized, or at least forced into parenting classes.
The older mother who was forced to sit in front of you.

Dear applebees chef,
MEDIUM. Seriously, how hard is that? Having cooked for my family for the past 23 years, I have to tell you, medium is the easiest of all steak requests. Rare is this: throw a steak on the grill, turn it over, put it on a plate and serve it. Well done is this: Cook it till it crunches. Medium is anything in between. My husband and I both ordered a steak, medium. Why, then, did I get a steak that flipping mooed, while my husband got a steak that was perfectly pink in the middle, warm, and not bleeding? There are exactly TWO restaurants in the area, so I know you must get alot of practice cooking. Cook my flippin steak the way I order, or I swear I will call your mother. This is a small town, don't make me do it. I will. I WILL, I swear. Medium. It's not that hard!!!!

The lady who always sends her steak back, because you're an idiot who can't figure out what medium is.

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