I lost a good friend this week. Actually, I think I lost her a long time ago, but this is the week I finally, mostly, came to terms with it.
We used to talk weekly. We've been through some hard things together. We were young together, we grew to be adults together. We did stupid things together. We had fun together.
I lost a friend when I was in high school, but that was different. Someone tore us apart, and upon reflection, I'm pretty sure that the person who did that was mentally ill. And since then, our lives have gone completely different directions. I'm pretty sure God had other plans for us than we had for ourselves, and knew that if we remained friends we wouldn't get where he wanted us to be. Because of all that, I've been mostly okay with losing that friend.
But this friend, the one I lost this week, is different. Our lives were so intertwined, and we shared so much with one another. I really thought we would always be friends.
I'm pretty sure I upset her somehow, but I don't know how. And that's what gets me the most. We were friends. Why wouldn't she just call me and say," Hey, that thing you did seriously pissed me off. I am angry with you." I mean, I've done this with people. Wasn't our friendship worth that?
I guess not. Maybe I'm just a terrible friend, one she's glad to be rid of. This could be true, I admit.
I work 12 hour days and have for years. I devote most of my free time to my husband and family. I really don't seek out friendships with other people. But. But we were already friends. So what happened?
The truth is, I don't know. I may never know. I've tried since to reach out and it didn't work.
What it amounts to right now, is that I tried. And I have other friends. And I trust God to bring the people he thinks are right for me, into my life when I need them to be there. And, I suppose, send them away when they'll hurt more than help. Maybe I'll know the reason someday. Maybe not. But I still trust God to do what's right.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11